Wednesday, 15 February 2012

A happy Marriage

Over the last few months i've had a few comments/emails about my marriage - so here are my tips to a happy marriage. Lets remember to keep this light hearted!! these are my opinions and opinions of others that i agree with. I do not expect you to agree. But this is how i keep my 14 year relationship strong: (I hope this post isn't too jumbled up! I may flit back and forward a little)

Having a happy marriage doesn't just happen by accident. It doesn't happen because you're "in love" or "perfect" for each other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.

   The question remains, in the hassle-free no-fault divorce world, how do you stay married ― happily, that is? Terry Real, a Boston-based marriage and family therapist and author of The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work, suggests you try dating your husband/wife.
"It's good for your children to see you go off for the weekend and leave them at home," says Real. "It's good for them to see you going off on Friday night because it's date night, even if it's just jeans and a pizza and a movie. It's a tremendous inoculation against marriage failure down the pike to put a little time and energy into marriage all the way through."
We are very lucky to have 3 sets of main babysitters. We do go out alot. Some people may disagree with this, seeing as we have children. But most of the time we are out when the kids would be in bed anyway. And when we are not with them in the day, the boys love spending time with their grandparents. They never grumble about not being with us. Plus the boys see how happy their parents are to spend time together. We want to stay together for ourselves and for them.

A happy marriage requires more maintenance than your car.

There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments.

Never Stop Dating:

It has been said that it’s the quality of time, not the quantity of time that matters. But now we know, thanks to the Marriage Masters, that it’s the quantity of quality time spent together that leads to a wonderful marriage. Whether it’s a vacation in the Bahamas, or simply spending a night at a local motel once a week, keeping the romance burning is easy: all you have to do is keep stoking the fire.

 “Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”

‘Most people think marriage is 50/50.  It’s not. It’s 60/40. You give 60.  You take 40. And that goes for both of you.’”
 It’s always super-apparent in the best of the best marriages that both spouses have followed this philosophy. Though it’s not a difficult concept to understand — putting one another first —it’s surely a bit more difficult to practice consistently, especially with the prevailing “Me first (and second)” mentality today. “The younger generations seem to have a sort of me-me-me mentality,” says Donna Lee, married 45 years. “The great part is that the me gets everything it needs when it puts the we first.”

Join the CMAT Club :

Grandma Dorothy Manin, the inspiration for Project Everlasting with her 63 years of beautiful matrimony, formed an informal club when she turned 70 years old. She called it the CMAT club. The CMAT club stands for Can’t Miss A Thing and represents the idea that life is short, so make sure to enjoy as much as you can. The death rate for human beings hovers right around 100 percent, and is expected to remain there for … well, forever. Consider this: if the average life span is 77 years, then that means we only have 77 summers ... 77 winters ... 77 Christmas mornings ... 77 New Years, and that’s it. The Marriage Masters know this all too well. It’s easy to get caught in the day-to-day craziness of life and, in the process, take our spouses for granted. A widow named Betty, married 54 years, says, “Now that he’s gone I wish I hadn’t had so many headaches.”
The Marriage Masters are here to remind us that this adventure we call life goes by in the blink of an eye; relish your sweetheart’s presence while he or she is still here.

Two holidays a year, meaningful conversation twice a week and cuddles 11 times in a fortnight are among the secrets to a happy marriage include, a study has revealed. 

 Happily married couples tend to make time for at least five movie nights at home, in contrast to their usual evenings spent fighting over the remote control or disagreeing about what to watch.


 We do not watch much actual tele, but we do love to snuggle with a film - it is very rare for us not to sit on the sofa together. And we always try to go up to bed at the same time too.


Never going to bed on an argument. And to try to turn a blind eye to irritating habits. We all have irritating habits, but rather than argue about them, we either ignore them or make fun of them!!


 The bedroom is our private place. - keep the bedroom for the 2 of you. We do not have childrens things in this room, especially pictures. This room is for pictures of the two of us. I used to follow Feng Shui years ago and this is one room that i have stuck to some of the principles. Keep that room calm and romantic. I also keep candles and rose quartz in here for love. Also, get yourself a lock for this room ;)

 The key to a happy marriage is speaking the same language. My husband and I both speak sarcasm fluently. Never take yourself to seriously. We argue but its mostly in banter and not to be taken seriously!!

 Communicate. It's important that you keep the lines of communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences that can affect a marriage -- jobs, family, friends, hobbies, education. If you're suddenly not being able to spend time together, or you're fighting about money, it's especially important to talk about what's going on.

 Listen. It's a sad fact that we are often more polite to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether it's to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same courtesy you'd give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Don't try to finish their sentences, don't try to solve their problems, and don't ever say, "I told you so!" And if you do, just apologize and move on - we can't all be perfect 100 % of the time.


      Here's an especially apt poem, written by poet Ogden Nash: 


To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up


 Create rituals and family traditions. Every successful couple has their own private rituals - things they do that has a special meaning just to them. So whether it's getting your spouse coffee every morning, a special touch that means "I love you", or creating couple signals for "Let's get out of here'' find your own. Remember some of your favorite childhood family traditions, and incorporate them or start new ones in your own couple. Some day, you'll look back on each time as a treasured memory.

 Agree on money matters early. Amazingly, many couples never discuss money except in the most superficial ways until after they're married. One of the leading causes of arguments in marriages is because of a difference in how money is handled. Before you walk down the isle, discuss your feelings about things like credit, paying bills and saving money. Talk about how you will pay expenses, and who will handle the money. Finding out after the fact that you have major differences is only going to lead to long term problems. 



 Love and Respect. It is important that you and your spouse always treat each other with love and respect. There are some simple rules that have worked for couples for the last 80 years that still apply today. They include: Never go to bed angry. Kiss each other every time you come home, or before going out. Say "I love you" every single day. Mind your manners, and say "Please" and "Thank-you." Do something for the one you love every day. Just because. Occasionally write love letters to each other. Laugh at his/her jokes, no matter how bad they are, or how often you've heard them. Don't sweat the little things. Try something new once in a while. - We stick to this one (Love and Respect) probably more than any. When the hubbie comes home, he doesn't want to arrive to grumpy, moany wife (admitedly i am rarely these anyway). I always greet him with a smile, kiss and cuddle. I want him to want to come home!! And even if he is popping to the shops, we'll always kiss each other goodbye and say i love you. (This one also applies to the kids, i kiss them and tell them i love them all the time!).

Maintain a commitment to your marriage.
This can be especially difficult today, but it's important that you put your marriage first. If you're committed to making your marriage a success, and you know that your partner shares your commitment, there's nothing that the two of you can't accomplish.

     And you'll be one of the lucky few that have a truly happy marriage! 



Todays lovely things:

 1) Cute texts to and from hubbie.

2) Watching car crash t.v while my man is having a boys night out (TOWIE/ ONE BORN EVERY MINUTE AND BIG FAT GYPSY WEDDING.)

3)  The boys making me laugh!!



Mamacymraeg said...

Great post. Love that little poem. x

Marina said...

Really enjoyed reading your post this morning, couldn't agree more, and love the poem too x

Kath said...

I love this! Happy to know me and my Mr are building a good foundation for our future marriage...thanks for the fab insider tips :)

Callies Cottage said...

Couldn't agree more-we are seventeen years together and eleven married-on Valentines Day!
Not always an easy road but nothing worth it ever is!
Here's to many more happy years,
Warm Wishes,

Amanda said...

Lots that I agree with too. Especially the going away on your own thing. We've always done this or took my parents as well so we could go out at night on our own.

Scented Sweetpeas said...

Wowsers I have been married for 15 years and just pootle a long quite merrily lol. We hardly get any time just us two but i do think that is important as when the kids leave you need to know each other still - if only we had grandparents who wanted to babysit :-(

LoloDesigns said...

Lovely post, sadly never been down the aisle myself. I think it is wonderful that you have such a lovely marriage. Lolo xx

♥ Miss Tea said...

agreeing with you on all counts! hehe thanks for writing the posts! marriage is indeed a partnership and communication is important as well as listening and I so agree with Love is a four letter word spelled GIVE!

x susan

Russell Dill said...

“Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”. Every relationship must give and take. It must be based on understanding and knowing how to compromise; and open communication is needed to bridge all gaps.