Having a happy marriage doesn't just happen by accident. It doesn't happen because you're "in love" or "perfect" for each other. Marriage is a partnership, and like any partnership, it takes commitment, dedication and hard work to help it to grow strong.
The question remains, in the hassle-free no-fault divorce world, how do you stay married ― happily, that is? Terry Real, a Boston-based marriage and family therapist and author of The New Rules of Marriage: What You Need to Know to Make Love Work, suggests you try dating your husband/wife.
"It's good for your children to see you go off for the weekend and leave them at home," says Real. "It's good for them to see you going off on Friday night because it's date night, even if it's just jeans and a pizza and a movie. It's a tremendous inoculation against marriage failure down the pike to put a little time and energy into marriage all the way through."
We are very lucky to have 3 sets of main babysitters. We do go out alot. Some people may disagree with this, seeing as we have children. But most of the time we are out when the kids would be in bed anyway. And when we are not with them in the day, the boys love spending time with their grandparents. They never grumble about not being with us. Plus the boys see how happy their parents are to spend time together. We want to stay together for ourselves and for them.
A happy marriage requires more maintenance than your car.
There’s no such thing as a perfect marriage, only perfect moments.
Never Stop Dating:
It has been said that it’s the quality of time, not the quantity of time that matters. But now we know, thanks to the Marriage Masters, that it’s the quantity of quality time spent together that leads to a wonderful marriage. Whether it’s a vacation in the Bahamas, or simply spending a night at a local motel once a week, keeping the romance burning is easy: all you have to do is keep stoking the fire.
“Love is a four-letter word spelled G-I-V-E”
‘Most people think marriage is 50/50. It’s not. It’s 60/40. You give 60. You take 40. And that goes for both of you.’”
It’s always super-apparent in the best of the best marriages that both spouses have followed this philosophy. Though it’s not a difficult concept to understand — putting one another first —it’s surely a bit more difficult to practice consistently, especially with the prevailing “Me first (and second)” mentality today. “The younger generations seem to have a sort of me-me-me mentality,” says Donna Lee, married 45 years. “The great part is that the me gets everything it needs when it puts the we first.”
Join the CMAT Club :
Grandma Dorothy Manin, the inspiration for Project Everlasting with her 63 years of beautiful matrimony, formed an informal club when she turned 70 years old. She called it the CMAT club. The CMAT club stands for Can’t Miss A Thing and represents the idea that life is short, so make sure to enjoy as much as you can. The death rate for human beings hovers right around 100 percent, and is expected to remain there for … well, forever. Consider this: if the average life span is 77 years, then that means we only have 77 summers ... 77 winters ... 77 Christmas mornings ... 77 New Years, and that’s it. The Marriage Masters know this all too well. It’s easy to get caught in the day-to-day craziness of life and, in the process, take our spouses for granted. A widow named Betty, married 54 years, says, “Now that he’s gone I wish I hadn’t had so many headaches.”
The Marriage Masters are here to remind us that this adventure we call life goes by in the blink of an eye; relish your sweetheart’s presence while he or she is still here.
Two holidays a year, meaningful conversation twice a week and cuddles 11 times in a fortnight are among the secrets to a happy marriage include, a study has revealed.
Happily married couples tend to make time for at least five movie nights at home, in contrast to their usual evenings spent fighting over the remote control or disagreeing about what to watch.
We do not watch much actual tele, but we do love to snuggle with a film - it is very rare for us not to sit on the sofa together. And we always try to go up to bed at the same time too.
Never going to bed on an argument. And to try to turn a blind eye to irritating habits. We all have irritating habits, but rather than argue about them, we either ignore them or make fun of them!!
The bedroom is our private place. - keep the bedroom for the 2 of you. We do not have childrens things in this room, especially pictures. This room is for pictures of the two of us. I used to follow Feng Shui years ago and this is one room that i have stuck to some of the principles. Keep that room calm and romantic. I also keep candles and rose quartz in here for love. Also, get yourself a lock for this room ;)
The key to a happy marriage is speaking the same language. My husband and I both speak sarcasm fluently. Never take yourself to seriously. We argue but its mostly in banter and not to be taken seriously!!
Communicate. It's important that you keep the lines of communication open. Especially when things go wrong. There are so many outside influences that can affect a marriage -- jobs, family, friends, hobbies, education. If you're suddenly not being able to spend time together, or you're fighting about money, it's especially important to talk about what's going on.
Listen. It's a sad fact that we are often more polite to strangers than we are to the people we love the most. If your spouse is trying to talk to you, whether it's to find out what you want for dinner, to tell you about their day, or to discuss a problem in your marriage, give them the same courtesy you'd give a complete stranger, and LISTEN! Don't try to finish their sentences, don't try to solve their problems, and don't ever say, "I told you so!" And if you do, just apologize and move on - we can't all be perfect 100 % of the time.
Here's an especially apt poem, written by poet Ogden Nash:
To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up